MY SILENCE, MY PAIN !

My Silence Is Just Another Word For My Pain........!

I lost my job !!!!!

Journal Entry date 11th September,2011 (9/11)

My husband and I are better off this way. I didn't take his money as well as I got back my usage of my own hands. His mother, Nanny Mcphee, can teach her grandchildren how to survive in her own way. The way that she prefers. For she is the Queen Mother of the house. She tells people off when she wants to. She scolds people off whenever she can. She is the boss. I don't like her. But my eldest son does. He said her hands are clean and she cuts her vegetables well.

I am looking on for comfort as well as strategize myself to fight boredom by using Positive Psychology to focus on what can really works and to get on with life until my last day. I will not be working for money outside until the day I die. I shall always be by my mother's side for her food is especially good. So much for kinship, I am getting on quite well. Give and take. The money is soul-food. Secebis gula. Sekepik garam untuk rasa. For comfort and ease.

My job is to sleep. REM sleep. Relaxing sleep. Wake up whenever I feel like it. Don't have to look at the alarm clock. Everyday. I can doze off easily now. With Positive Psychology. Thanks and I have praised the Lord. This morning I plucked rambutans again. I am getting pretty good at it. No sweat. All for one and one for all. Praise God.

The Joy of the Lord is my STRENGTH!!!!!!! I shall not be afraid! If God forfeits my holidays for my training period and confirmation, I shall not take it to heart. ):

I shall take each step as it comes knowing that all things work for good to those who Loved Him......

Journal Entry :)=

Four more months to look forward to work ( money ) and three more months to look forward to spending my holidays with my sister and her daughter who's coming back by airplane from SA. What a SPLENDID prospect to look forward to and to anticipate! I am counting my blessings and praising the Lord for all my sufferings! Ma and I had been on good terms although there had been times when we do quarrel and argue and scuffle over minor issues and personal problems that needs to be solved and I always solved it by letting go and giving in to her because she is OLD. Love Ma!

I have been facebooking for two years and I have been blogging for about a year. I have learnt so much about myself and by contemplating my life in the palm of my hands through writing has brought out so much in me and all I see is goodness! Praise God! I can understand myself better in sickness and in health. I know myself now and my lifeline. I know that my suffering for the sake of Christ was worth it. His grace was sufficient for me and yet still. I am going through the fourth stage in my life now that is the adolescence matured seniority stage after turning fourties and my husband is turning fifties. In His Time. We had all grown.

Thank you and I had loved the Lord.

DON'T MAKE ME AN IDIOT IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA! ):

At the age of 42, I think my face looks like this......WITHOUT MAKE-UP.): LoL

I caught this photo inside the INTERNET. It is titled Nip Slip. DON'T MAKE ME AN IDIOT, Papparazzi!

My favourite actress was ALYSSA MILANO ):

Alyssa Milano's pregnant photo and taken with pride.

ICE-CREAMS :) = D

My brother likes ice-creams and ice-cream cakes. I also like to eat sundaes and eventually if I follow my family to STARBUCKS or DOME or any KOPITIAM for HIGH TEA, my brother LOVES to call for his Tiramishu. I love it too.

When I was staying in at Taman Sri Gombak back then, I would hike out to MacDonalds for a cup of sundae and at times when it's holiday bring my two sons out for ice-creams which they adored. Now their father takes them out every week for corn cups and ice-creams at the Night Market.

My mother on the other hand likes Black Coffee all the time and at almost everywhere, I would call for my milkshake and my father called for his expresso. My brother calls for his own specialty and almost always it comes up to a big sum. But he enjoys his "kopi",  he says. He has his credit card for his enjoyment which is "coffee". My husband is NOT a patron of STARBUCKS or any other Kopitiams. We always buy a HUGE cake for the entire family on each of our son's birthday because in HIGH TEA, one Tiramishu small slice costs RM13.00. And for that we could buy an affordable WHOLE CAKE at a BAKERY SHOP for less than thirty. And the entire family gets to enjoy it other than yourself.

My brother is a bachelor and for a bachelor, leisure and fulfillment is easy....

The Face Of JESUS!

To me, Jesus is My Life. To honour God, first you must sacrifice. I know it isn't "natural" but all of us had to go through stages in our lives. Through Hell and with love.....Jesus is Abide. Jesus is On High. Jesus is the Lord. I shall not want. I live for another person. I don't live alone. I don't live by myself. I live by abiding to the rules. I live according to the rules. I stand by the truth. The truth of all things. BUT I AM ONLY HUMAN. I sometimes needed the strength. WE MUST BE CAREFUL WITH THE WORDS WE PUT IN OUR MOUTHS...

I don't have a happy life. I stand by knowing that I still have the Lord and I still have HOPE. I have a family. I am FULFILLED. I need basic things in life like food, clothes and toiletries and shoes and simple things... I like to sweat and earn my own money. Life is never easy. You must use your own hands and your willpower to control things and you must be able to pay the price for your own guilt. You must stand strong. Earning a living can pay your bills. Living a life in truth and fulfillment can lead you to do the rightful and justful things. Desire can be hard to satisfy but earn it and expect it to come to you and it will. There is SOMEONE UP THERE WATCHING YOU.

Don't hurt anyONE's feelings just for the sake of MONEY. Money cannot buy you love except FOOD. People in this world need love in order to survive because not many have achieved, for many had FAILED.
Try to use some simplicity in line and show some Humanity which so many has failed...God bless us all in this new era.

RED VELVET CAKE!!!!!!

For the cake:

Butter for greasing pans,
1 3/4 cups + 1 tablespoon cake flour
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 tablespoons red food colouring
3/4 cup buttermilk
3/4 teaspoon white vinegar
3/4 teaspoon baking soda

Line the bottom of three 7-inch round cake pans with baking paper and grease the paper with butter. Sift the cake flour, baking powder, cocoa powder and salt into a medium-sized bowl and set aside.In a large bowl, beat butter and sugar together for about five to seven minutes till light and fluffy. Beat the eggs in, one at a time, then mix in vanilla extract and red food colouring.

Add one-third of the floor mixture from the medium-sized bowl to the butter mixture and mix well. Mix in half of the buttermilk. Add a third of the flour mixture followed by the remaining buttermilk. Finally, mix in the remaining flour till the ingredients are well combined. In a small bowl, mix the vinegar and baking soda. Fold this mixture into the cake batter. Divide batter evenly among the cake pans and place them in a pre-heated 180 degrees Celcius oven. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until a skewer, inserted into the middle, comes out clean.

Cool the cakes in their pans for about 15 minutes, then take them out of the pan to cool further on a cooling rack. Peel off the baking paper from the bottom of the cakes once they are cool.

CAKE CHEMISTRY!!!!!

Estelle Chey has developed a chemistry with baking - through NUMBERS and MEASUREMENTS.She MIXES and MATCHES INGREDIENTS to come up with her own takes on RECIPES from websites such as FOOD GAWKER. The 23-year-old auditor says : " I enjoy experimenting with cake recipes and I like baking cakes because the process is more complicated than muffins or cookies. You can't get a single measurement wrong." In the process of perfecting her recipes, the Food Network fan has had her fair share of kitchen mishaps.

The red velvet cake recipe, which she shares here, had to go through a few trial rounds before the taste and colour were perfected. On the first try, she says ; "The cake was too sweet and its colour was a bit too red and looked quite scary." Another baking boo-boo happened when she made a mango mousse cake. She explains : "The cake didn't have enough gelatin inside. It fell apart and had to be thrown away." Other unsuccessful attempts include trying to "bake healthily" by using wholegrain products and less sugar. Says the Accountancy graduate from Nanyang Technological University :" I try to eat healthy, so I thought that cutting down on some sugar and cream in cakes would work out. It didn't turn out well and I gave up. I guess I will save my unhealthy eating for cakes."

She has learnt from her unsuccessful attempts and now rattles off tips on baking alternatives. To get the vibrant red in the red velvet cake recipe, she suggests using beetroot instead of red food colouring. As she potters around her kitchen making the cake, she also offers the tidbit that a buttermilk substitute can be made by mixing one tablespoon of white vinegar with a cup of whole milk. She started baking when she was young with her elder sister, Elaine, 42, and her mother, Evelyn, 68. But she went full-stream into baking after she returned from a six-month exchange programme to the Netherlands in 1993.

"I felt quite deprived of baking since I'm so used to baking cookies with my mother and sister,"she says. Now she bakes cakes such as cheesecake, chocolate cake and opera cake, a type of French cake with almond sponge cake layers, for her family and church friends. Says Mrs Chey, who is a fan of her daughter's red velvet cake and strawberry shortcake: " Estelle is always baking every other week,even at midnight sometimes. She's more adventurous than myself and her elder sister. She'll always try to bake something different for each of her friends."

The creative young baker even made a four-layer purple cake with different shades of purple icing for a church friend whose name is, aptly enough, Purple. Mrs Chey had to outfit the kitchen in their semi-detached house in Jalan Pemimpin with a Blomberg oven a few months ago because Estelle was making 128 red velvet cupcakes for her cousin's wedding. Currently looking to create a hazelnut cake recipe, Estelle says:" Now, when I eat cakes, I try to figure out the ingredients that go inside. Sometimes I spend too much time looking at recipes and thinking what else I can do with it."

Matthew Morrison - Summer Rain (Lyric Video)

Who needs lovers' lane?Right up on this rooftop, let's make love in the summer rain.

My GirlFriends, Cherrie, Selina and Lailatul (far left)

These are my three girlfriends, Cherrie, Selina and Lailatul ( Far Left) - right to left. They are my colleagues. Laila, short for Lailatul (far left) is chubby and has breasts sized 40 ( Cup C) and both Cherrie and Selina have smaller but firm breasts. All three of us are distributors for Caely Girl ( Ladie's Lingerie and Brassiere Apparel) .Here are some of our highlights :- Lingerie and Bikinis ( Brassiere-Wear):

Hurrah, we're MODELS for CAELY GIRL - but do be careful.....ladies!!

HOW TO HAVE A GOOD LIFE! (Singles)

I know Life is about LIVING FOR ANOTHER. But for a sick girl, here's how to lead a good life. How to LIVE a LIFE full of GOLD!

Lift up your prayer to HEAVEN and say THANKS to your MOTHER, GOD and Your BOSS!God Bless You All!

Michael Jackson - Behind The Mask

Behind the Mask - Who do You Love???

Letto-Ruang Rindu Lyrics

Mata Terpejam Dan Hati Menggamam.

"WOMEN"!

The Most Beautiful
and Irresistible thing
about a woman is her tear.
It is guaranteed to break down
the hardest of resistance
and melt the stoniest hearts.
On the other side
It also shows the breaking
of all the barriers
a woman builds up.
When a woman is crying
She is opening up completely
before you
and trusts you enough for it.....

Well Done Women but do be careful!.....

THIS IS HOW I LOOKED LIKE WHEN I WAS PREGNANT AND BEFORE I SHED SOME KILOS!

I looked like this when I was fat. That was the earliest 9 years ago.... I have lost some weight due to weight-loss management and plans on maintenance.This is me , as above..Please don't laugh. Married women are suppose to be fat after they gave birth. The joy is in seeing the children grew up and when the marriage is in a hassle, she the women need to lose some weight in order to save their marriage.

I used to be after giving birth, 64 kilograms. When I was nine month's pregnant I was 75 kilograms and 74 kilograms (for both my two sons each).  I have not put on weight for the past 9 years.... I am 5 foot 4 inches tall and weighs 58 kilograms...

How to Control Your Most InnerMost Desires.

Distract Your Mind. Don't think about it. Maybe you're hungry. Eat Something. Go for an exercise. Do something you like. Listen to the radio. Perform a duty out of willingness to shake yourself from lust. Talk to someone. Listen to relaxing music. Cry yourself up ( works for girls!) Enjoy your hobby. Go shopping or Watch televisyen. Watch a DVD or a VCD. Do  your homework that provides and extra income just in case you have some luck.

Transform your lust energy into LUCK energy. Take a bath. Enjoy a nap. Send an email to someone. Chat on your facebook account. Write an essay to justify yourself. In the event that you're still uncontrollable , laugh it out or the best is to sob. It brings down your Bad Energy into Good Energy. He won't pick UP the phone so it's hard to explain on the cell-phone. Talk to your closest friend nearby or chat with your mother who can share and who can listen and lend a sympathetic ear.

MOVE ON. It's no good crying over spilt milk. Everybody knows it. But to change something that is forever takes time. He'll get into it. In the meantime, a past-time and a profession that brings food to the table that everybody likes. Enjoy yourself. Life is so short, it is hard to patch it back.

Shontelle - No Gravity

Shontelle Layne (born October 4 ,1985) better known by her first name Shontelle, is an R & B singer-songwriter from Barbados. She released her debut album Shontelligence in November 2008. She's a beautiful , talented singer and a straight-A college student as well. In the case of Shontelle Layne, it looks like the law career will have to wait -- her musical star is on the rise and cannot be stopped.

It was during high school that she first met Barbados 'current international star', Rihanna.We were both active in the Cadets, and I was her Drill Sergeant.....there was one occasion when I had to make her 'drop and give me ten push ups'.We laugh about it now ---"I think she's forgiven me."Little did either of them know at the time that they would soon both be signing major record deals.

"I think it's my destiny to perform on stage and give something to people with my music," she says. And she arrives in Malaysia, eagerly anticipating the excitement and challenges to meet with Rudy (RedFm). "I just can't wait to tell Rudy what I have to say.....and I've got a lot to say!"